Adult ADHD, trouble sleeping, winter blues. There are no excuses, and, sometimes, you have to stick to your gut.
by Jane D.
I think I am slumping into a bad case of the jobless blues. I struggle to get up, and have been getting to bed rather late. Maybe it's the whole living with adult attention deficit thing again (ADD/ADHD). Trouble going to bed, trouble putting boundaries in my life. I don't know, but it doesn't feel right anymore.
The 60-year-old lawyer, who has a romantic liking for me, continues his chase, and it's making me feel uncomfortable. I don't see him that way. Last night at a dinner date with his "friends," he asked me why I was so nervous around him. He knows why—people always know why, so why do they need to ask?
It isn't just the 26-year age gap. It's that I don't see myself sleeping with him. I do not want to see him naked. I feel like I always end up in sticky situations where I am caught between a man I don't want and survival. He can treat me to meals and give me contacts for potential job opportunities. But at the end of the day, how realistic and healthy is this?
And what does that say if I am maintaining a relationship with a man simply for these things? My intuition tells me to stop over-analyzing details, as they say adults with ADHD are apt to do, and just focus on the positives instead. I just don't see myself with him.
I want to do what is right, and it is so hard. He looked at me after the meal, and said he just didn't want me to be nervous around him. Well, it's too late for that. He said if I want to be friends, we can be friends, but I captured a slight change in his tone.
I captured a change in character as well. I am sure that he finds me attractive and interesting, but I'm not at the point to settle, to "hang in there" with a partner who doesn't really leave me happy and fulfilled. And for god's sake, he is 26 years older than me, and I don't find him that attractive. Is anything in life fair?