Published on ADDitudeMag.com

Fizzling Romance

My ADD eats into my love life, leaving me feeling empty and starved as Valentine's Day approaches.

by Jane D.


The mystery man, the one who I love and think about, has kind of fizzled from my life. On our last date, I made up some excuse and said I wanted to celebrate the Year of the Rat with him. I booked a too-expensive brunch at the River Cafe with a pristine view of the Brooklyn Bridge and Hudson River. A few tables away, I spotted Dick Parsons and a woman who looks like Beyonce (God I wish I had her body!).

I sat there fuming and close to tears because I got the subway directions wrong and had really wanted to give him a surprise. Instead I was forced to set my ego aside and say, "Umm, I need your help."

How many times have I left behind an item of clothing, been late, had to apologize for forgetfulness and being a ditz? What should have been a glorious and happy day over a very expensive brunch was semi-bitter. I sat there and sulked and wondered why I never get the guy I want, why is it that the man who I love isn't available and is a classic commitment-phobic. He wouldn't eat the pecan-flavored oatmeal placed in an eggshell. I’d forgotten that he didn't like eggs, but I didn't care and seethed, "Maybe we should have gone to the pizza place instead." After I said that, he took a bite, but later I felt ashamed knowing very well that I should have been silent instead. There was no humor in my voice; I was about to crack.

Increasingly, finding someone organized and anal becomes important, as I realize that I not only have to search for prince charming, but a prince charming who is Mr. Clean (or maybe someone who is a tax auditor). This limits the kind of men who I will find. This is where ADD eats into my love life. The other day and today, I thought briefly that I might want to just tell the mystery man about my predicament, my disorder, my handicap, and what is a bottom-line pain in the neck. I wonder what he might say, but more disturbingly he rarely asks about me and my life. It leaves me feeling empty and starved as V-day approaches.


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Source: Fizzling Romance