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Jane D., a professional writer with ADHD in her early 40s, blogs about dating and relationships, working and losing a variety of jobs, and surviving and thriving with attention deficit, along with depression and anxiety. She lives and works near a big city on the West Coast.

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Archives: November 2008

posted: Sunday November 30th - 9:48pm

An Ordinary Day

The harsh reality of work and relationships is frightening. My outlet? The weekly ADHD support group, a gathering of seven adults who are amazingly similar to me.

Jane D.
The weather has turned from balmy warm into the kind of icy chill that is a clear reminder that the season is changing. The birthday is around the corner. 33. Jesus died when he was 33. Somehow it seems like a milestone year. I have great expectations on some days, no expectations on others. The romance-filled summer with the litany of men is gone; the harsh reality,...
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posted: Tuesday November 25th - 12:33pm

Running a Mental Marathon

I try to manage time, but mostly fail. It's playing the slot machines: Pull the lever 10,000 times and win five dollars.

Jane D.
I feel like ADD is a kaleidoscope of great promises that go crash and kaboom. A new year’s resolution that starts with great promise and then fizzles. Earlier this week, I told the sister about the weekly ADD group that I've been going to and told her about a depressing statistic I learned. There was a research study that concluded that adults with ADD with...
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posted: Friday November 21st - 10:04am

The Cat Got Your Tongue

My ADD diagnosis is like a deep secret eating away at me.

Jane D.
I almost said it. The words sat on the tip of my tongue about to tumble out. I sat across the pseudo boyfriend at the diner this morning before work, and tried to tell him about the attention deficit disorder and the medication I’m taking. ADD is like this dark and deep secret that I keep, and I want to purge badly. Lately it has been...
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posted: Thursday November 20th - 10:05am

Back to It Again

Even on meds, my thoughts wander as my boss wonders why I can't make deadlines.

Jane D.
I joked with the little ADD posse (yes, I will call the therapy group my posse from now on) that having adult attention deficit is like being between a rock and a hard place. I can take the mediation and be so focused that it is like being superglued to my seat, and in the same light, be irritable and angry because I am aware of...
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posted: Thursday November 13th - 10:27am

Feeling Scattered

What motivates an ADD adult to get things done?

Jane D.
Is it ADD or is it fear? Do I scramble to fill pockets of time simply because of my deficiency in frontal cortex ability—or am I afraid to be with people? The concept of doing nothing brings about an image of a grand canyon, an abyss; I always need to be up and about and can't sit still. When my pseudo-boyfriend pointed it out to me and...
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posted: Wednesday November 12th - 10:27am

Mecca to the Planner

I have a mountain of day planners, but to an ADDer, time is often meaningless.

Jane D.
There are others like me. I love this weekly group that is now on week two. I know I wonder if my interest in attending will fizzle like so many other things in my life. Sooner or later there is an annoyance that emerges and then explodes. The group consists of other mature adults with ADD—mothers, wives, husbands. We all look professional and rush to the...
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posted: Monday November 10th - 11:58am

Days of Freedom

Imagine life without medication. Getting through the day and letting the chips fall where they may.

Jane D.
I sometimes imagine life without attention-deficit medication. I imagine being on a Harley Davidson, my hair ribboning in the wind. In this new life, I’ll take a multi-vitamin and 10mg of Lexapro every morning, and let the chips fall where they may. On the home front, my roommate is an unpleasant stink to live with, but there's not much I can do about it. For now...
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posted: Thursday November 6th - 9:24am

Can ADD Adults Sit Still and Relax?

I always think I should be productive. Pack tomorrow's lunch, lay out the clothes, look at the planner.

Jane D.
After my two-week experiment of going off attention-deficit medication, I've gone back to Adderall after noticing, with much discouragement, that without it I am like a wild mustang running around in circles. I can't afford to make mistakes at work, because I can't get canned in these economically tough times. The boyfriend had a talk with me the other day, the nice guy suddenly transformed into...
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posted: Tuesday November 4th - 9:25am

My Experiment with ADHD Medication

Day eight off the Adderall and I am feeling happier and a bit more loopy.

Jane D.
Okay, so it's hard to think of life as experimental or a project, but that is what it has come down to. Day eight off the Adderall and I am feeling happier, a bit more loopy and all over the board. Lots of movement but no end results, that is the real me. Last night I was all wound up again and was sucked into the...
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