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Jane D., a professional writer with ADHD in her early 40s, blogs about dating and relationships, working and losing a variety of jobs, and surviving and thriving with attention deficit, along with depression and anxiety. She lives and works near a big city on the West Coast.

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Archives: August 2008

posted: Wednesday August 27th - 1:25pm

The IQ Idiot

I went to an Ivy League school, but don't "get" Sudoku. Where does that put me on the spectrum of intelligence?

Jane D.
I’ve been fascinated lately with the definition of intelligence. Most certainly, I take a look at my Ph.D. swim friend, who seemed like a blushing, bumbling boy when I attempted to put the moves on him. A girlfriend says that men as such have big brains, but are “socially retarded.” The other day we went to a big drinks event and met yet another Ph.D., who...
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posted: Monday August 25th - 10:54am

Guinea Pig Central

There are ADD adults who know exactly where they fit in, but not me.

Jane D.
I am all prepared to be a guinea pig again. After canceling the medical research group session a dozen times, I am set to head over to the hospital to do a battery of IQ tests to contribute to yet another ADD study. The focus of the study is adults with ADD and physical movement. Are ADD adults idiots when it comes to reflexes and movement?...
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posted: Friday August 22nd - 11:11am

The End of Summer

As an adult ADDer, I can see signs of the disorder in others. I should be horrified, but instead, find it depressing.

Jane D.
I'm not sure what is happening, only that in the past couple of weeks, I've fallen into a funk. It's like I can't be alone and spend time on my own. I always need to be text messaging, dialing, scrambling and searching for the next best thing. The 35-year-old Ph.D. man emailed me from England and said he didn't do the swim. The conditions were too...
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posted: Monday August 18th - 3:53pm


I want to tell everyone I have a disorder that gives me spark, color and ideas.

The new and more powerful Adderall pills do work. Today I went to work, opened the drawer, took out the orange capsule, and swallowed. For the next four hours, I sat at the desk, completely focused on the project at hand, so focused that I didn't get up to pee, to eat, to talk to anyone. It was as if I had been thrust into a...
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posted: Wednesday August 13th - 10:08am

Does the Boyfriend Have ADD, Too?

I overloaded and need to escape—but at least there's one place that still brings me silence and serenity.

Jane D.
I hate this city. The past month, I've walked down the crowded sticky streets of Gotham wanting to explode. I stick the urban pacifier, aka the iPod, into my ears to drown out the grating noises of sirens, the subway trains screeching, and I dream of escape. If anything, that is what I love about the water, about swimming. When I swim in the open water...
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posted: Monday August 11th - 1:40pm


Here, I can be free, and pray for a day when the ADD confusion lets up.

Jane D.
I go to the church around lunch every day, enjoying the walk up Park Avenue, loving and savoring the silence of the chapel. Once I kneel and look up at the altar, I can finally let go and cry. I can let the tears flow amongst these strangers, who are locked or lost in their own personal sorrow. Damn, what's wrong with me? The anger has...
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posted: Friday August 8th - 1:22pm

The Bitch of Living

I am perennially late, falling far short of the "be there or be square" mantra.

Jane D.
I go into work every day entering the perfect storm. I sometimes imagine that I have a handful of keys and I'm sticking each one frantically into the ignition, but I can't find the right one and the wrong one gets stuck, and I can't even pull it out. I feel like screaming. I can't even get the day started. I am perennially late for everything...
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posted: Wednesday August 6th - 11:48am

More Meds!!

It sounds funny, but I think I'd rather be missing a finger or a toe than have this chronic disorder. With the new dosage, I see new hope.

Jane D.
I've officially canned the Buddhaman. After he diagnosed me with borderline personality—telling me I was controlling and impossible, and that he was happy he wasn't my father—I called up the secretary and said, “Switch me to Dr. X." I will call her that because I refuse to talk with any shrink with a Y chromosome. I am so over men, for now. In retrospect, I'm not sure...
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posted: Friday August 1st - 10:53am

Telling off My Therapist

Suddenly, I've been diagnosed with borderline personality? "It's a disorder when it eats into your life," was the response.

I told off the Indian Buddhaman today, who respects me as much as a dog respects the fire hydrant. He's always late, he spends a ton of time interrogating me, and then he's always answering the phone during our sessions or checking his CrackBerry. I was finally like fuck this. It's been a year and I don't need to shell out a co-pay and feel like shit,...
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