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Jane D., a professional writer with ADHD in her early 40s, blogs about dating and relationships, working and losing a variety of jobs, and surviving and thriving with attention deficit, along with depression and anxiety. She lives and works near a big city on the West Coast.

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Archives: June 2008

posted: Thursday June 26th - 3:36pm

Igniting Interest

I'm ready to stop the vicious cycle of dropping things when they're no longer a novelty.

I've kind of lost interest in swimming. It's the damnedest thing. Lately, I've not been psyched about going to the pool or about joining the masters practices. I've tried hard to push myself, only to arrive and swim and whine. The coach gives out directions, and I basically start squawking, "Argh, why do we have to do it in that amount of time?" The thing is...
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posted: Wednesday June 25th - 10:20am

A Day at the Beach

In conversations, I cling onto every word, so that I won't be caught in my inattentiveness. Sometimes though, what I hear is like Greek.

Jane D.
The new boyfriend is really nice. I met him four months ago on an online dating site, and four dates into the game, on a rainy night, he said he wanted to be exclusive and date just me. We're moving steadily and slowly toward each other. He's such a nice guy. He holds doors open, he is patient, he waits for me when I'm late. He...
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posted: Friday June 20th - 11:55am

When Will This Stop?

I often fantasize of a workplace where ADD and creativity are rewarded. Then maybe the anxiety and depression wouldn't be a problem.

I wish the ideas would stop. I feel like that kid in dodgeball, who has all of the balls thrown at her at once, and there's no way to fend off the barrage, except to duck. In the end, the ideas are non-existent anyway, because they are, as the father says, simply ideas: illusions, delusions, and not real, because rarely are they executed. How shitty can...
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posted: Monday June 16th - 12:46pm

Summer Unraveling

Things are exploding at work. I can see the landscape — the big ideas — but with the ADD, I miss the details of that landscape.

Jane D.
The ADD in me emerges like the heat from the sidewalks. I feel like things have been slowly unraveling over the past two months. Over the weekend, it finally exploded. A day earlier, the swim admin guy in charge of private lessons emailed me to say that I was confusing things by working with the clients directly and by trying to book them. It was a...
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posted: Thursday June 12th - 10:50am

All Apologies

Sorry, sorry, sorry. I can't help it, but sometimes, it's not the ADD.

Jane D.
The sister asked me, in a very sympathetic voice, yesterday why I needed relationships to be so clear-cut. She's sick of hearing about the man crises, about the swimming addict who hasn't made a single move in almost a year, about Mr. Big who, after wooing me with words, flowers, and a very expensive watch, ditched me. Bastard alert, indeed. Her advice: "Let things be. Don't...
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posted: Wednesday June 11th - 10:43am

The ADD's Not Too Sexy

I'm struggling with a disorder that gets no sympathy and just doesn't seem very sexy.

Jane D.
The sister has been suffering from a lot of pain lately. She's been taking a cocktail of drugs since I can remember to ward off rejection from her two replacement kidneys. The meds have messed up her bones so that, at the very tender age of 25, she might need hip replacement surgery. The pain has been getting worse, and I can't do a single thing...
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posted: Friday June 6th - 11:23am

A Million Thoughts

In the course of a work day, my thoughts vary from how to be a fashion designer to making a soufflé. Will I ever find a place of peace?

Jane D.
Last night, I went to a dinner with a top-ranking editor at a big celeb rag. There were at least a dozen other journos, and we were all pining for the woman's attention. She's in her late 30s, has two cute kids, a really nice husband, and makes at least a million a year. What more could a woman ask for? I wondered if she had...
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posted: Tuesday June 3rd - 2:58pm

Beach Days

Given the number of drinks I've knocked over on dates, I'd say adults with ADD are dumb when it comes to coordination.

Jane D.
The replacement roommate arrived for the summer, a cool-looking red head, whose arrival reminds me that I am here for another season. So far we've been off to a good start, because, being a lawyer-in-training, she's almost as neurotic as I am—and she too is on a job hunt. Yes, the hunt. Starting last week, I felt cabin fever again at work. Bored again and surfing the...
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