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Jane D., a 30-something professional writer and student with ADHD, blogs about dating and relationships, working and losing a variety of jobs, and surviving and thriving with attention deficit, along with depression and anxiety. She lives, works, and studies in a big city on the East Coast.

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Archives: May 2008

posted: Friday May 30th - 4:50pm

A Summer Romance

Juggling men and unraveling the roots of ADD...

Jane D.
Last night, ahhh, romance hit. A meal of buffalo mozzarella, fresh tomato, calamari, Limóncello, espresso, a dessert of Tiramisu, and, for the first time, a taste of Bellini and a bird's-eye view of Grand Central at rush hour. This is the life. I sat there on the third date with the Ivy League guy… much older, dapper, knows the definition of seersucker. I feel like...
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posted: Thursday May 29th - 3:21pm

Babbling

In many ways I feel like having ADD is like being a child-adult; my tendency and the temptation is to sit in a sandbox and make mud pies.

Jane D.
The family vacation in lobster and clam land went okay. The father, stepmother, the sister and I drove off to Newport, Rhode Island on Saturday morning. I had suggested the getaway, and the sister ended up doing most of the legwork and the planning. She had compiled a list of places to go and things to do, and I get the feeling that she resents that I...
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posted: Tuesday May 27th - 12:28pm

Liar, Pants on Fire

Did my shrink say she was an expert in ADD? If so, why was she being so callous?

Jane D.
It's discouraging. It's ugly. Lately I've encountered a litany of married men who reek of cheating. I had lunch with one of them today, a big fat bear of a man with funky purple rimmed glasses, who is on his third wife, and who basically told me his entire love history over really bad Chinese food. I met him at an Asian food seminar—one of the...
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posted: Friday May 23rd - 10:44am

A Fine for Forgetfulness

After losing the prescription, I sulked in the waiting room and thought about life before the assembly line of shrinks and different meds.

Jane D.
It’s official. I lost the little slip of paper with the prescription for the Adderall. I started the day by speed-dialing the Buddhaman’s secretary. The last time this happened, they called and refilled it, but the bad news now was that I was going to have to walk in and give him a co-pay simply for writing it out again in his chicken scratch and scrawl...
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posted: Wednesday May 21st - 10:06am

Rebounding and Rebounding

What hurt most was how I had tried to explain that something was wrong. The behavior therapy, the drugs, the beginnings but no ends. Only like everything else, he wants to avoid the issue.

Jane D.
Maybe it gets worse before it gets better. I am hoping it will work that way. It’s like the stock market or Newton’s law: Everything that goes down must come up again. On Sunday, I hauled myself out to the ocean in Brooklyn, supposedly achieving Friend of the Year by witnessing a friend do a six-hour qualifying swim for The English Channel. As usual, going somewhere...
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posted: Monday May 19th - 2:59pm

You Call This Summer?

The stepmom is convinced I need to find a solid, dependable partner—the opposite of me.

Jane D.
Is there such thing as having too much man? In the manic way that I search for everything else in my life, I've been dating a flurry of men. There's a dozen on the A list, a dozen more on the shit list. It sucks. I long for stability—a sense of peace—and yet it doesn't even jive with the ADD self. I am driven to crisis,...
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posted: Wednesday May 14th - 2:24pm

I Give Up

After swallowing the ADD meds, I had new thoughts, new plans—but no means to start the engine.

Jane D.
Men. I can't stand them. It's true to the readers of this blog that I've become desperate. Is it general anxiety disorder, depression, ADD or simply a wacky personality? I don't know, but the serial dating is only adding to the anxiety and not lessening it—especially after scrolling through the MySpace site and noticing all of these pregnant friends. So unfair. The new shrink is a woman...
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posted: Monday May 12th - 12:16pm

Survivors

If ADD were a gift, we'd publicize it — and not feel strait jacketed by everything conventional.

Jane D.
It's getting worse. I feel like the betta fish that is sinking to the bottom of the flower vase. Is it depressed? In my case, is it Meds gone awry? Maybe it's like LSD, a good trip gone bad. Lately, I have been living like a wild child. When I was little, I loved watching Peter Pan and had a penchant for the lost boys, parent-less children...
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posted: Friday May 9th - 9:41am

Serial Dating

I joined three dating sites, but forget the passwords half the time — not to mention the names of the dates themselves.

Jane D.
The dating is spinning out of control. Ever since the ex dumped me, I've joined three dating sites, maniacally clicking through headshots and profiles in the same fashion that I skim through jobs. Half the time, I forget the passwords anyway. In my mind, I keep thinking I am a job hopper, and now I'll be a serial dater, too. Next, next, next. There are 10...
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posted: Tuesday May 6th - 10:18am

Killing Fish

I'd slept like a pig and broken all the self-made resolutions. Why even take the Adderall, I wondered?

Jane D.
I almost killed the betta fish. Blame it on the really long and awful date last weekend with the 35-year-old virgin (or closet gay guy). We've been having swim and breakfast dates since November, and he hasn't made a single move. There's the polite farewell hug, and he insists on picking up the tab, but I'm starting to feel like I'm driving through a heavy fog...
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posted: Friday May 2nd - 11:02am

Winter Blues, Paving the Way for a Spring Funk

I calculated the cost for ADD meds and therapy as $10,000 a year, and felt like I was backed into a corner, suffocating.

Jane D.
The betta fish looks depressed. It's sunk to the bottom of the bowl like a submarine, and spits out its food in cannon ball style. I know how it feels. I sympathize and empathize. I went to the writing class for the last time yesterday — once again 15 minutes late — and when the group turned to discuss my piece, the same criticisms were there...
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