New Sparks, New Flame?

The rumble started last autumn: you might call it cabin fever, or more simply put, a need for a break from routine. I wanted something new, something colorful, a new spark to reignite things. New sparks are as necessary as air and water to us ADHDers, and they come in the form of new jobs, new projects, and new places to visit. But lately even all of that has felt stale for me.

The newest spark comes in the form of a guy friend. The friend is a friend, and yet in the back of my head I keep thinking, "Hey, maybe he's a potential flame, a potential boyfriend." He's flying across continents to see me, and I'm going to play tour guide. In the back of my head, I've speculated, "Wow, it's been a long time since I've had a guy friend." But I keep telling myself, "He's not a boyfriend, just a friend." I unwind and think of the scenes in When Harry Met Sally — men and women can't just be friends, right?

My "friend" wants me to stay at the same hotel with him, but what if I don't like how he looks naked and vice versa? I've been trying to keep these worries to myself, only occasionally letting them slip when I chat with the grandmother and the aunt. It's been such a long time since I've been in the same hotel room with a guy — what if I've forgotten how to act? I worry that this is the last train that will come around, and if I don't catch it, I may not have other suitors, especially as I inch closer to the big 4-0.

So two days before he arrives, I've packed my luggage in preparation to stay with him. I'm not sure why I'm so nervous about this — like, it either works or it doesn't...we either hit it off or we don't. It's a lot of pressure, a lot of "what if"s, but at least it makes life interesting for the moment, and especially during a week that includes Valentine's Day.