Commitment Phobia: Is It an Adult ADHD Phenomenon?

For people with attention deficit disorder, breaking patterns is as hard as stopping a freight train moving at high speed.
ADHD & the City | posted by Jane D.
Jane D.

After Mr. Ph.D.'s rejection I had to lick my wounds and get up again.

There have been countless times when I've wanted to give up on love, and yet I can't. In a city like New York, the potential for love is always in the air. Everywhere I go, I see lovey-dovey couples, and I am reminded that the last three men who I fell for did not feel the same way about me.

The latest obsession is the Chef, a short guy with a big macho attitude. Over wine one evening I said that I could never be friends with men whom I am attracted to, and he said, “Well, we are not dating, we are friends."

I asked the Chef if he ever thought about settling down—after all, he is 45. What happened to the cabin or apartment he wanted to buy? He said it was a passing fancy, just like I was. He said he was too wrapped up with work.

I come up with excuses for his not being ready, but maybe I should accept that he’s not interested. Thing is, I feel indebted to him. The Chef helped me out during the worst of times. He helped me move the dozens of bags up the fifth-floor Spanish Harlem walk-up. He helped comfort me after the botched swimming race.

I wonder if I am like Patty Hearst suffering from Stockholm Syndrome, where one gets attached to his or her captors. In return he's gotten a female companion at night. I've not gone to fourth base, but with all that's happened I now feel used. I want to be treated well, to not feel second rate.

 
 
Copyright © 1998 - 2013 New Hope Media LLC. All rights reserved. Your use of this site is governed by our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy.
ADDitude does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The material on this web site is provided for educational purposes only. See additional information.
New Hope Media, 39 W. 37th Street, 15th Floor, New York, NY 10018