I don't know how I leave them hanging—this trail of broken friendships and connections. I attended a fifth-year reunion for graduate school over the weekend, and ran into two girls who I had once been good friends with. They nodded at me and barely said hello. I think one of them is upset that I frankly did not email her back one time. I had most likely forgotten and now she regarded me with the cattiness of a high school cheerleader. But that is the way that life has been for me, and the same pattern goes for those with my condition, apparently.
I live life with a critic's eye, quick to judge and conclude something about others. It is not the way that I'd like to be treated, and yet as an adult with ADHD I feel that I've lived my whole life being judged. I am tagged too lazy, too inconsiderate, lacking in common sense and initiative, self centered, selfish, and poor with deadlines, but I get an "A" for effort. Friendships are fleeting, and so it is with Mr. PhD who enters the Hall of Former Friends.
I hate it. I wish I had friends who would sustain me through ups and downs, but unfortunately they fizzle. I want to attend a workshop or a support group on "how to keep friends." It comes down to what an old lady at the hospital where I volunteer said, "Accept them first and then respect them." In the end I could not accept Mr. PhD and regarded his social behavior as arrogant. But I continue to mourn what I considered a friendship. I am sad about losing another.
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