Dressing Down the ADDer

Say what you will about people with ADHD, young and old. But in times of adversity, we can still always kill them with kindness.
ADHD & the City | posted by Jane D. | Thursday April 23rd - 2:15pm
Filed Under: Self Esteem, ADHD Social Skills
Jane D.

I spoke with my Type A Ph.D. friend again, my swim partner for the upcoming open-water swimming relay race—and, frankly, every conversation with him is critical or depressing. Maybe this is just the way he is, but he must have very low self-esteem if he feels a need to lecture me.

When will the non ADHD folks learn that droning lectures and speeches don’t work for people battling their attention deficits? Offer advice, lend a helping hand, sure, but if you’re going to treat us poorly, we will drift off and tune you out, intentionally.

The bottom line is Mr. Type A thinks I should leave New York. I am not suited for the city. It is too crazy and competitive for me. The market is not viable. The journalism profession is dead. Why would I want to stay in it. Why don't I leave the city to do other things. Why don't I try my hand at radio or video or TV and forget about seeking things I may never get.

This is a guy that is all head and little heart. Yes, Type A is practical, but I beg to differ because, well, the truth hurts. I like life-guarding here in NYC. He does not understand that I will always return, that I am a city girl, but he says that he is just being practical. Really Meanwhile, I've been kind enough to not tell him what others think of him.

And so it is with people with ADHD: the second-guessing. I am always questioning if I should be the one confessing and apologizing when, in fact, there are others with issues, too. I just may be more obvious about it.

I contemplated his answer and then asked him a funny question: “In the two years you’ve known me, when did I seem the happiest?” and then, “No, no. Forget it, it’s too broad a question.”

He stopped me. “Let me think, I have an answer for it.... The fall of 2007 to the winter of that year, you seemed happiest. Since then you’ve seemed more sarcastic and cynical, and, well, it took a tumble after the economy collapsed.”

I didn’t respond to that. I didn't feel like I should apologize, but rather tackle the issue head on. Maybe he’s right in some way. I need to go elsewhere to gain sanity and a sense of peace, and leave this behind. Stay tuned....

 

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