1 COMMENTS!

Can I Get a Dating Do-Over?

1 Comments:

• Posted by RachaelatUMass - Apr 22 2009 @ 3:01 PM
  Dear Jane D.
  I have had that situation happen to me before, a few times. I am not sure if this is helpful for you to read, but is always helpful for me to write (and remind myself after a break up). All relationships are a 2 way street, don't beat up on yourself for leaving the keys in the refrigerator and if someone emotionally beats on you for that you need to ask yourself why they're so uptight. How many things were imperfect about this man, and if you really try to think about it you will start to find them. No one is perfect, and that's what makes life interesting. Also I am an impulsive talker, I interrupt all the time, and openly tell people "Please interrupt me- please talk over me- I don't mean it I have ADD" and most people usually understand and are cool with it. You probably have a million different creative and wonderful things to say, enjoy yourself. However I have noticed (and I don't want to be stereotypical about men) but some people and some men can't handle that because they aren't emotionally strong enough themselves to interrupt. This sounds kind of silly, but interrupting and speaking your mind can be rude at times, but it also is a sign of assertiveness, strength and self awareness. People who don't have self awareness, strength or assertiveness become uncomfortable around those who do. Maybe he doesn't like strong women because secretly this man has a low self esteem. I don't know your situation I don't want to say this is the case but this man might need a woman who is meek and mild, who listens a lot, speaks a little and thinks even less. If that is the case I am glad to hear he didn't want you; he probably won't have been able to make you happy (no one needs-especially ADD/ADHDers to date people who are self centered and insecure) so might have just dogged a bullet. If you think you have problems listening, talk about ways of being a better listener with a friend, or when you are dating someone, remind them that sometimes they need to cue you in. You have a lot of thoughts going through your head, it is completely valid for the person you are dating to give you some cue words if they are talking about something that is very important and they need your undivided attention. Something like, "this is important to me" of "can I sit and talk to you now" then you two can find a quite, non distracting, familiar place to talk. These are things people do who don't have ADD/ADHD, it's called effective communication; it's what people do (every person regardless) when they care about you they meet you half way. If someone can't change, grow and learn with you then they aren't worth having. Besides what a drag to have someone judging you for putting your keys in the fridge- I mean where else should they go? (I'm kidding- I thought it was funny you wrote that because I do that too. Once I actually found my keys in the bathtub- don't even ask me how they got there.)