Can I Get a Dating Do-Over?

Coping with a breakup is never easy, but neither is getting involved with an attention-deficit adult.
ADHD & the City | posted by Jane D.
Jane D.

The Italian Stallion and I broke up. He was one of the promising guys, but it was a failed romance. I’ll be the first to tell you, nothing is easy about dating a woman with attention deficit disorder. We are (okay, I am) chronically late, prone to overreact, and poor at listening. Dating an ADDer is just not for everyone.

While most women wouldn’t take it personally, I do, because I am usually left wondering whether the derailment was due to my behavior. Was I too impatient? Had I finished off too many of his sentences?

Except this time, I do know. Feedback from the Italian Stallion proves it. The night of the breakup, he told me he didn’t like that I did not listen and that I always interrupted him. I replied that we were not compatible and blew him off after that. He didn’t chase after me.

I cried and called Shona, my fellow ADHD friend who I had met at one of the guinea pig meetings about a year ago. Since the meetup, she and I have turned to each other for support in rough times like this.

“You need to let it go. If someone truly loves you, they will accept you for who you are. They may think your scattered brain is cute and quirky, or that your leaving the keys in the refrigerator is cute,” Shona says. “You’re too hard on yourself. Give yourself credit for surviving the storm so far.” She’s right.

I’m realizing that this is an destructive pattern I need to break—this is a train wreck approaching, but how do I stop it?

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