Adult ADHD Is the Love Buster

Relationships are all or nothing for adults with ADHD. Either we're fixated, or we're bored and indifferent.
ADHD & the City | posted by Jane D.
Jane D.

Looking back to the failed relationships, so common among adults with attention deficit disorder (ADD / ADHD), I can see as clearly as day that I grew bored of these guys. Bored not just because of their quirks, but because I truly lost interest—much as it is with everyone else.

It is the semi-sadistic and perhaps indifferent man who catches my attention. The sister says that I want the abuse. I wonder if it isn't ADHD and the fear. I picked up a book the other day about ADHD and relationships, written by a fellow ADDer. I read the whole thing and kept nodding and saying, "Yes, yes, yes, that's me."

I am a hopeless romantic, suffering from black-and-white-cookie thinking (AKA all or nothing). I either click with someone or I don't. I need a man with spice, whatever that means. I need someone kind of indifferent—maybe because I need my space.

I wish they had a Build-A-Man workshop, because I'm getting pretty discouraged. I remain a serial dater, and not a day goes by when I am not struggling to stay streamlined and focused.

I wish that the stupid ex-boyfriend had listened to me when I tried to tell him why I was so paranoid about him being perennially late; it was the fear of dating another adult with ADHD. He started humming the Tigger song from Winnie the Pooh, and blamed scattered thinking on creativity. In many ways, it was a slap in the face. The sister says he sounds immature, but who knows? Maybe he has ADD, too, and he just didn't want to face reality.

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