Feeling Scattered

Is it ADD or is it fear? Do I scramble to fill pockets of time simply because of my deficiency in frontal cortex ability—or am I afraid to be with people?

The concept of doing nothing brings about an image of a grand canyon, an abyss; I always need to be up and about and can't sit still. When my pseudo-boyfriend pointed it out to me and asked why we couldn’t just hang out and do nothing sometimes, I wanted to say, "Hey did you know I have ADD?"

But I stopped short of that. Whatever words were on my tongue collapsed into silence. I could not do it and come out of the closet. I was defenseless. He was right; I am always on the run.

I thought of a question that the group leader posed to our little pow wow of ADD adults at the last ADD workshop. How do you get things done in your life, what is the process, what motivates you?

To be honest, it is fear. I need to be coerced into doing things. Otherwise they will never get done.