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The Bitch of Living

I am perennially late, falling far short of the "be there or be square" mantra.
Adult ADHD Blog | Friday August 8th - 1:22pm | More August 2008 Blogs
 
Jane D.

I go into work every day entering the perfect storm. I sometimes imagine that I have a handful of keys and I'm sticking each one frantically into the ignition, but I can't find the right one and the wrong one gets stuck, and I can't even pull it out. I feel like screaming.

I can't even get the day started. I am perennially late for everything. This morning I tried so hard to make it to the 5:30 a.m. swim workout. I arrived for the cool down at 6:30. I was too embarrassed to even show my face in the lane. It's almost laughable.

In my mind, I see both the ex-boyfriend and the 35-year-old type A swimmer friend wagging their fingers at me, "Why are you always late? You're always late." I am still convinced that I lost the possibility of the 35-year-old as a lover because he realized that I could not even achieve his "be there or be square" mantra.

On the love front, I have a new boyfriend, a young man as plain as vanilla who I met on an Internet dating site in March. He's totally laid back, or at least seems that way, chilled, laughs and smiles a lot. There is a child-like quality about him. His handwriting is big, block-like, easy to read. He's nice to me, mostly agreeing to follow me wherever I want to go. But he's too easy, too simple, too boring, too stupid.

I guess I'm used to being ordered around, threatened. I am used to, and even long for, ultimatums. I need the boss, the father, the friend, the lover to light a fire under me; otherwise, nothing gets done. It's frankly depressing.

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3 Comments:

  • Posted by llamamom - Aug 18 2008 @ 12:50 PM
    Sympathetic
    I am the always late, too-solved a lot of it by setting EVERY clock and watch ahead about 12 minutes. Turned out that the combination of the minutes being an odd number and the fact that EVERYTHING told me to hurry helped. I also use timers everywhere, all with different "alert" sounds, so I can stay on track. Don't go for the totally laid back just because he's easy...ADDers love a challenge, and somebody to keep them stimulated!
  • Posted by Tom - Aug 11 2008 @ 3:57 PM
    Late and Discomobulated
    One of the hardest things about the whole being ADD is dealing with our own perceptions of others' perceptions. ONe of my own neuroses is my military training and the concept "if you're not 15 minutes early, you're late." I drive my wife crazy with pushing us out the door half an hour early so that we arent late to things. But this is because of my phobia of being late and any persecution that may follow. Because we are a time driven culture, it is easier for us ADDers to have someone riding us to get us moving to the next thing we have to be on time for. However that part of the relationship can't always fall on the lover. This creates a power imbalance in the relationship. If you are constantly told what to do, then the other either feels superior or just worn out. I ran into that in my own marriage. I have found that in most relationships, there is usually one person who is laid back, and the other is very driven or likes things a certain way. Having two laid back folks doesnt work.
  • Posted by Oh, Boy! - Aug 8 2008 @ 1:25 PM
    Switched.
    I didn't have a passion for my first professional job, either. Switched from boring trial attorney - although, I did love making lots of pertinent objections, just below the judge's level for tolerating them, and running up the score against the prosecutor's office - to law enforcement. As I said in an earlier post, lots and lots of great big, oozing, globs of adrenline rich, cop drama filled years. Precious. Then I retired, and I'm back to square one - and Adderall. Life sucks, again. But I am happy and positive. We need an ADD'er dating site, weapons checked at the door :), for romance and verified craziness. I volunteer for beta tester. Anyone else?
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