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It's Finally Over

Why do I keep looking back instead of going forward?
Jane D. | Monday April 28th - 11:59am
 
Jane D.

It's over. After completely comprehending that the ex-boyfriend does not want contact, I deleted all of his text messages with a single touch.

Ahhh, the beauty of technology. I promise myself I will not be a cyber-stalker anymore. He hasn't been answering the phone, emails, or anything. Bastard, bastard. I hate men. I keep joking with the sister that I am becoming a man-hater in Maureen Dowd fashion.

Mentally I feel shitty. I've signed up for all of the dating sites, only to get a few measly pokes from the divorced, over 44, and divorced-over-44-with-two-kids set.

"You don't want someone's leftovers," a friend tells me. Of course I don't, but even with the ex, I envy his mysterious ex-wife, who actually got him. I wish he would have told me what she was like, what she looked like. I'm so curious.

“It's not fair, life's not fair, a lot of things are a shame,” the father says. It's a shame that some babies die when they are born, that newlyweds die in a head-on collision on their honeymoon, it's a shame that all of those people died on Sept. 11—but what are you going to do about it? Why do you keep looking back, instead going forward, he asks? I am fixated and obsessed with what didn't work instead of what did.

2 Comments:

  • Posted by BertaRecchia - May 6 2008 @ 3:36 PM
    RE: It's finally over
    I know the pain. Even though I don't call or message when things end, I still obsess for months and months. I believe it has to do with OCD. I think we also give way too much power to others and not enough to ourselves. ADD doesn't let us concentrate on ourselves enough. If it did, we'd be thinking of the reasons why the relationship ended. There must have been good ones and that's why it ended. Trying to stay in 'could' mean limiting ourselves to a lesser relationship. If the other person isn't interested we must focus on ourselves and who we are without letting others dictate our self worth. I'm concentrating on myself and get in touch with who I am. I'm the only one who can appreciate "me" fully. We also lose track of how much good comes from the people who "like us": friends and family. The compliment us all the time but since we give that relationship for granted, we don't pay attention to the compliments and the value of that rapport. I wouldn't go on the avenue of judging others. Some 44 year old are better off having left their relationship. Just because they are single with kids doesn't make them bad people or can't enrich our lives.
  • Posted by BertaRecchia - May 6 2008 @ 3:09 PM
    RE: It's finally over
    I know the pain. Even though I don't call or message when things end, I still obsess for months and months. I believe it has to do with OCD. I think we also give way too much power to others and not enough to ourselves. ADD doesn't let us concentrate on ourselves enough. If it did, we'd be thinking of the reasons why the relationship ended. There must have been good ones and that's why it ended. Trying to stay in 'could' mean limiting ourselves to a lesser relationship. If the other person isn't interested we must focus on ourselves and who we are without letting others dictate our self worth. I'm concentrating on myself and get in touch with who I am. I'm the only one who can appreciate "me" fully. We also lose track of how much good comes from the people who "like us": friends and family. The compliment us all the time but since we give that relationship for granted, we don't pay attention to the compliments and the value of that rapport. I wouldn't go on the avenue of judging others. Some 44 year old are better off having left their relationship. Just because they are single with kids doesn't make them bad people or can't enrich our lives.
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