1 COMMENTS!

The Confessional

1 Comments:

• Posted by Patrick M - Apr 2 2008 @ 3:08 PM
  Talk about impulsiveness...
  I am reaching out and trying to form empathy with someone I've just read a few paragraphs she's written. My wife of 10 years left me completely unexpectedly last August and went 900 miles away to live with her parents. No real explanation given beyond 'you're not my partner'. Since then, I've seen my children 4 times. At first, I went over 100 days before I saw them. She knew I had been diagnosed back in 2003 and had even told me that she thought I was ADHD a few years after we married. However, even though I was sporadically seeing a psychiatrist and taking the various ADD meds (not religiously), I never took the time to really learn about the impact ADHD has on me, my relationships, my work... I took it as lightly as the sniffles, at least until she left. When she first left, I was absolutely destroyed and after a couple of sleepless weeks, I drove from Indiana to Connecticut (oh yeah, impulsively again...I guess. At least that's what she said. I felt like I was doing what I had to do to save my marriage.) I purchased Driven to Distraction on CD and it was nothing short of an epiphany. I felt like once I explained everything Dr Hallowell taught me on the CD, she'd finally understand and take me back immediately. No dice. She felt like I was making excuses and not taking responsibility for my behavior. I think she's mostly right, but in the same thought, I feel as though she expects more from me than I'm capable (or was capable at the time) and just abandoned me. I believe that in order for me to take the ADHD seriously and learn how to cope with it, even overcome it, it would have taken a huge kick in the nuts...like losing my family. However, given the gravity of such a life change, I could have learned to overcome it without such a grevious, maiming loss. Anyhow, the reason I wrote wasn't to seek sympathy or bring you down. It's just that I identified with a few things you wrote in a few of your entries. And though I haven't made very much progress yet, my ordeal has forcibly reminded me that, whether it's fair or not, I am the only one who controls my future. Further, though I personally haven't accepted this yet, neither, I can't expect anyone to feel sorry for me or lessen my responsibility when I'm failing to do something they've asked of me. Lastly, I am convinced that I will be able to overcome the obstacles I create for myself and lead a more productive life....I just haven't figured out how to do it yet.