Back to School: 10 Conversations to Have with ADHD Children

Make the most of back-to-school time by talking to your child with ADHD, her teacher, your doctor, other parents, your family — and yourself. Here's how.

by Annie Sofield Reed

1. Talk with your child, and accentuate the positive.

If your child has attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD), she may have low self-esteem, in addition to symptoms of ADD. To succeed in school, she must not only adhere to academic and behavioral standards, she must believe in herself.

Educate your child about attention deficit disorder and present the upside of ADHD. For example, ADD in children often correlates with traits such as creativity. As she meets new faces and new challenges at school, help your child remember that she is a valuable member of her classroom community — in spite of, or because of, her ADHD, dyslexia, or other learning disabilities.

2. Ask your child about his friends.

A child with ADHD may need your help in identifying classmates with whom he could develop constructive friendships. During the first weeks of school, ask your child to describe his classmates, and listen for clues about personalities that might complement his own.

Children with ADD tend to form quick alliances with children they find exciting or interesting. Encourage your child to get to know the self-contained and studious kids, who might admire his imagination or boldness and who might be a calming influence.

3. Help your child learn to appreciate the teacher.

Your child may feel that teachers are the enemy. Help her find something to appreciate about her teacher.

My son and I developed a theory about his fifth-grade teacher; we credited her ability to be understanding to her experience as a parent. My son has appreciated other teachers for their taste in music or movies. All children, and especially children with ADHD or dyslexia, should have a sense of teachers as humans, not merely as authorities. When your child thinks, “She’s strict, but she’s cool,” what she means is, “We can work together.”

4. Talk with the teacher.

Have a conversation with your child’s teacher during the first week of school. Without coming off as pushy, clarify the specifics of your child’s situation. Make sure she knows about your child’s IEP or 504 Plan, if there’s one in place. Any mandated services or accommodations should begin immediately, and the classroom teacher is the one who can make sure that happens.

5. Have a second conversation with the teacher.

About a month into the school year, ask for a second meeting (if the teacher hasn’t called for one sooner). Don’t wait until parent-teacher conferences to get her take on how things are going. The earlier you are aware of the teacher’s perspective, the sooner you and your child with ADHD can avoid scenarios that interfere with learning. Keep communication open. Many teachers prefer e-mail as a way to share information.

This article comes from the August/September issue of ADDitude.

To read this issue of ADDitude in full, purchase the back issue and SUBSCRIBE NOW to ensure you don't miss a single issue.

Conversations, Part 2

6. Talk with your child’s doctor.

If your child is taking ADHD medication, or if you are considering a trial of ADHD medicine, have a conversation with the prescribing doctor in late summer and make a plan for the beginning of school. If this is the first time your child will be taking medication, you may want to start soon after this appointment, so you’ll be able to fine-tune the dose and timing before classes begin. If your child has taken medication before, he can resume shortly before school starts.

7. Have a second conversation with the doctor.

After a few weeks of school, you should have another conversation with your child’s psychiatrist or prescribing doctor. In this conversation, perhaps held over the phone, you and the doctor can review the information you get from your child, his teacher, and your own observations to decide if the current course of ADHD medication is right.

8. Talk with other parents.

The new school year brings new chances to talk with other parents at drop-off and pick-up, playdates, back-to-school night, and other events. How much should you say about your child’s ADHD diagnosis? This is a personal choice, which you might base on your ease in discussing such matters, your child’s wishes, and your sense of how the information might be received. Based on personal experience, I advocate disclosure without shame. I find that other parents are generally supportive. If you share your struggles, you are inviting other parents of children with dyslexia or ADD to share with you—and to lean on you, as well. If your child knows that you believe in speaking openly, he is less likely to feel that he is bearing a shameful secret.

9. Talk with your family.

Have conversations with everyone in your family. Such talks can, of course, occur at any point, but the start of the school year is a good time to review certain understandings. ADHD affects the family dynamics. Your child has ADHD, but he may not be the only person in the family with ADD. Share your experiences with each other. Have your child describe to his relatives what his symptoms of ADD feel like. Ask him to tell everyone what kind of support is helpful. Have family members talk about what their challenges are and what support they need. If everyone puts their heads together, positive things develop.

10. Talk with yourself (and your spouse).

Alone, or with your spouse, review what you’ve learned about your child with ADHD in the last year. What helped him toward success in the previous grade? What made success difficult? As your child grows, your knowledge of him grows. Maybe an old idea needs revision. Keep a current, holistic, and detailed impression of your child in mind as you move forward. Know that you may face some new challenges this year, but empower yourself as the expert on your child and trust that you’ll make the right decisions.

This article comes from the August/September issue of ADDitude.

To read this issue of ADDitude in full, purchase the back issue and SUBSCRIBE NOW to ensure you don't miss a single issue.