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We asked ADDitude readers what they would most like from their partners with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADD/ADHD). In response to the prompt, "I wish my ADHD partner would..." you offered the following ideas and suggestions.
"Hyperfocus on me for once! At this point, I am attention-starved." -Shelley, Illinois
"Acknowledge that we both have ADD/ADHD, and stop patronizing me about mine." -An ADDitude Reader
"Slow down, not be impulsive, and acknowledge that he causes chaos in our house. I also wish he would be more understanding with our ADD/ADHD child. He gives him no leeway." -Lory, Hawaii
"Deal with change more easily. I try to create a predictable world at home for him, so that nothing upsets him. The effort I put into it drives me crazy and makes me resent him." -Crystal, Florida
"Go see a therapist who works with ADD/ADHD adults." -Charlotte, Alabama
"Be less defensive when we talk about the things he is struggling with. I wish he had been diagnosed sooner, so he could have treated his symptoms earlier. His self-esteem wouldn’t be so fragile." -Cari, Colorado
"Sign up for ballroom dancing lessons with me, so we can exercise and have fun together. It would help both of us ADDers." -Deborah, Tennessee
"Take pride in how many changes he has made to accommodate our family. Being a family man and the breadwinner is a tough job for anyone -- with or without ADD/ADHD." -Heather, New Jersey
"Finish things he starts. He began painting three murals throughout our house, but hasn’t completed any of them. Every night I go to bed and see an unfinished mural on our bedroom wall." -Jennifer, Florida
"Try medication for his ADD/ADHD symptoms. He is afraid that it will inhibit his creativity." -Katie, Kentucky
"Stop being so hard on himself, and accept the fact that he’s OK just as he is." -An ADDitude Reader
"Recognize that he probably has ADD/ADHD. My son was diagnosed recently, and the more we learn about what he’s up against, the more my husband says, 'Gee! That sounds like me.'" -Tammy, British Columbia, Canada
"Appreciate what I do to make our journey together more harmonious. I wish he would bring it up every once in a while." -Linda, Australia
"Work as hard as I do to control his ADD/ADHD symptoms." -Suzanne, New York
"Find a way to slow down, relax, and unwind." -Tracy, Illinois
More Relationship Help for ADD/ADHD Adults
Clear Up Confusion: Communication Secrets for ADD/ADHD Partners
Married to ADD/ADHD: Relationship Advice for You and Your Partner
Speak Easy: 7 Tips for Better Communication in Your ADD/ADHD Relationships
My Partner, My Child: Who Invited ADD/ADHD into Our Marriage?
This article appeared in the Spring 2011 issue of ADDitude. SUBSCRIBE TODAY to ensure you don't miss a single issue.
