When ADHD Adult Symptoms Get in the Way: Relationship Problems and Solutions

ADHD marriage expert Melissa Orlov explains the 9 ways symptoms can cause marriage or dating issues -- and offers advice on how couples can cope with adult ADD symptoms and treatments.

9 Ways ADD/ADHD Affects Relationships (Cont.)

It Takes the Two of You

8. The Blame Game. The Blame Game sounds like the name of a TV show. "For 40 points: Who didn’t take out the garbage this week?” It’s not a game at all. The Blame Game is corrosive to a relationship. It is happening when the non-ADHD partner blames the ADD/ADHD partner’s unreliability for the relationship problems, and the ADD/ADHD partner blames the non-ADHD partner’s anger -- “If she would just calm down, everything would be fine!” Accepting the validity of the other partner’s complaints quickly relieves some of the pressure. Differentiating your partner from her behavior allows a couple to attack the problem, not the individual, head-on.

9. The Parent-Child Dynamic. The most destructive pattern in an ADD/ADHD relationship is when one partner becomes the responsible “parent” figure and the other the irresponsible “child.” This is caused by the inconsistency inherent in untreated ADD/ADHD. Since the ADD/ADHD partner can’t be relied upon, the non-ADHD partner takes over, resulting in anger and frustration in both partners. Parenting a partner is never good. You can change this pattern by using ADD/ADHD support strategies, such as reminder systems and treatment. These help the ADD/ADHD partner become more reliable and regain his or her status as “partner.”

Excerpted from The ADHD Effect on Marriage, by Melissa Orlov. Copyright 2010. Reprinted by permission of Specialty Press, Plantation, Florida. All rights reserved.

More Adult ADD/ADHD Relationship Advice

Cope With an ADD/ADHD Diagnosis...Together
The Right Way to Fight: ADD/ADHD Relationship Advice
Married to ADD/ADHD: Relationship Advice for You and Your Spouse
How to Build Better Relationships: Advice for ADD/ADHD Adults
10+ ADD/ADHD Relationship Tools for Lasting Love

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TAGS: ADHD and Marriage, ADHD and Relationships, Adult ADD: Late Diagnosis, Stress, ADHD Dating, ADHD Symptoms

 

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