When Kids Hit, Part 2
5. Reward good behavior
Praising a child for not hitting or pushing makes sense, of course, but specific rewards are extra incentives. Come up with a list of rewards your child can claim for good behavior. It might be a toy, or being the one to pick out a movie on Friday night, or time playing a favorite board game, or simply "special time" when the parent is "all hers."
Make sure that the reward is something your child really wants. ADD kids change their tastes and interests even more rapidly than other children. I've seen kids who were obsessed with Yu-Gi-Oh cards one week grow bored by them the next. Ask your child which rewards are best for him.
6. Impose consequences for bad behavior
Let your child know the specific consequences she will face next time she resorts to physical aggression. Depending upon your child's age, the consequences might include a time-out, writing a letter of apology, losing a special privilege, and so on.
Parents and teachers often assume that the child knows the rules governing behavior. But without regular reminders, children with ADD tend to forget rules (and the consequences for breaking them).
7. Identify "hot spots" for problem behavior
Does your child pick fights at birthday parties? During playdates? Identify the situations that seem to set off your child, and consider whether you can modify them (for instance, by reducing the number of children at a playdate) or skip them entirely.
If you decide your child should participate in a troublesome situation, remind him on the way to the playdate that you expect him to behave. Talk about the behavioral plan she should employ and the consequences she will face if she fails to control herself. If a particular time or place at school is a "hot spot," look into accommodations. For example, if a child gets into fights on the playground, ask the teacher if he can spend recess at a computer or in the library.
8. Don't expect perfection
Observe your child's behavior, and give enthusiastic praise for each step she takes toward "being the boss of her own body." Let's say your child swings at her brother. Instead of telling her how disappointed you are, you might say, "I saw you swing at your brother, but I could tell you stopped yourself in time. You're making a real effort not to hit, and that's terrific." Honest praise can be a powerful motivator.
9. Be reassuring
When children have trouble keeping their hands to themselves, they're often just as disappointed as their parents. If your child seems blue following an aggressive episode, make sure he doesn't feel too discouraged. Tell him you love him. Remind him of all the times he did maintain self-control - and of what a great, funny, creative child he is.
This article comes from the April/May 2006 issue of ADDitude.
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