Practice Healthy Confrontation
If you are about to lose your temper, use these techniques:
1) Avoid accusing your ADD/ADHD child or teen -- focus on solutions to the problem and teach your daughter to find alternatives that work.
2) Focus on the behavior -- make it clear that your son is not the sum of his behaviors, and that he, within reason, can control them.
3) If you or your son starts to shout, break the pattern by speaking softly.