Clothes All Over the Place
Q. I sometimes forget to hang up my clothes or put them away. As a result, I have heaps of clothing, clean and dirty (though I always know which is which), everywhere. My daughter, who has ADHD, is the same way. Please help!
If you have huge piles of clothing, you have too many clothes! Set aside a weekend to decide what stays and what can be tossed. You can’t keep closets and drawers “usable” when they are stuffed to the brim. The easier you and your daughter make it to put things away, the more likely you will both put things away on a routine basis.
Under-the-bed storage bins work well for off-season clothing and items that you do not need often, like gowns. (If your bed is low to the floor, purchase “bed risers,” so that bins can slide under it.)
It’s good to know which clothes are clean and which are not, but take that next step and use a laundry basket for the dirty ones. A full basket will remind you to wash a load or two. Place a coat rack or clothing tree in your changing area, where you can hang items that you have worn once and would like to wear again, but don’t want to put in with freshly washed clothes.
Try to find five or 10 minutes before you go to bed each night to put things away, and decide what you’re going to wear the next day. Pick a favorite song, put the headset on, and go for it. The task will be less boring and will seem quicker.
—Sandy Maynard, M.S., ADHD coach
Distracted When Talking
Q. Distracting, unrelated thoughts pop into my mind when I talk with friends, to the point that I tune out their words. Can you suggest strategies that would help?
If you find yourself with an idea that’s just too good not to share, ease it into the conversation by saying, “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I don’t want to forget this thought.” If you’ve already interrupted without realizing it, stop the conversation and apologize: “I just realized that I cut you off back there. I get so excited by a thought that I can’t stop myself. You were saying?”
Some people with ADHD are distracted because they’re anxious. If you feel nervous, take a few deep breaths and focus on the conversation. If you stop following the drift of the conversation, you might say, “I’m sorry, I got lost in thought there for a second. Can you repeat what you just said?”
—Ari Tuckman, Psy.D., MBA, author of More Attention, Less Deficit (Specialty)
Friends His Own Age
Q. My son, who is 13, prefers to play with children who are seven or eight years younger. He told me he relates better to them than to his peers. Is this appropriate?
Age-gap friendships are not unusual for children with ADHD. Nor are social-skill deficiencies. Your son prefers to be with younger children because he feels more “at home” with them than with peers. Younger children give your son an opportunity to shine in a social setting.
Showing off his social skills lifts his self-esteem. Help your son build on this, while developing his leadership skills. Look into organizations that offer mentoring to younger children.
To develop peer relationships, encourage your son to participate in an after-school club or sport. If relating to his peers is a problem, look for activities that don’t require a lot of teamwork—track, chess, and martial arts are all good choices.
—Mary Fowler, author of 20 Questions to Ask If Your Child Has ADHD (Career Press)
