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Anger Management Tools For The Adder

_ AngerManagement Tools For The Adder <o:p> </o:p> _

<h4>Presented by Coach Sandy <o:p> </o:p></h4><h3>More information available atwww.sandymaynard.com === <o:p></o:p>

RelaxedResponse Technique  <o:p> </o:p>

Atthe first signs of a stressful situation, there are steps you can take to beproactive that will counteract the negative effect stress has on yourphysiology. The following is a gameplan you can use time and time again to keep calm and focused. If you use it often, it will become habitual and automatic, keeping yourelaxed in a variety of situations.  <o:p> </o:p> 

1. Continue breathing.

Weare not always aware that we hold our breath when we encounter stress, so at thevery beginning of a stressfulsituation, be certain that you continue breathing without interruption. Breathesmoothly, deeply and evenly at the veryfirst trigger . Breathe deepfrom the diaphragm, if you can, making sure to exhale completely. <o:p> </o:p>

2.Smile and throw your shoulders back.  <o:p> </o:p>

Asmile increases blood flow to the brain and transmits nerve impulses from thefacial muscles to the limbic system, a key emotional center of the brain. Smiling changes your emotional state favorably, by stimulating therelease of certain neuro-transmitters. Situp, or stand up straight, as you smile, balancing your posture by lifting upyour head and chin. Relax your jawand shoulders. Pretend that yourspine has a thread running through it and out the top of your head and thatsomeone is gently tugging on it to pull you up straight. Smile and let yourself you feel happy and light, as your body relaxes. <o:p> </o:p>

3. Make a wave of relaxation spread over your body.  <o:p> </o:p>

Createa "wave of relaxation" through your body as if you're standing in theocean. If the image of water isuncomfortable for you, make an image of a warm breeze blowing over you. Have the wave or breeze wash or blow away allunnecessary tension.  Keep yourmind and body calm. Feel centeredand in control. <o:p> </o:p>

4. Take control of the situation.  <o:p> </o:p>

Takecontrol of the situation by accepting it as it is. Avoid the paralysis of analysis. Don't start to fret with uselessquestions like, "Why is this happening to me?" Ask yourself, "What can I do right now that will make this situationbetter?" Quickly look forsolutions instead of getting locked on the problem. Focus on what you can control, instead of what you can't. Choose to learn from the experience. Listen with an open mind, trying to resolve conflict, rather than createit. Apply your own personal goldenrule or spiritual philosophy in place of anxiety or anger. Think clear honest thoughts and protect yourself withouthurting other people. <o:p> </o:p>

Response Techniques To Criticism <o:p> </o:p> 

Responding to criticism can beeasy to do, when you learn to do so, assertively with out attacking orsurrendering to the criticism. You may respond to accurate criticismappropriately by acknowledging the criticism with dignity, protecting yourself-esteem. Inaccurate criticismcan be responded to by "fogging", a gentle technique that protects you anddoesn't attack the critic. Vague or over-generalized criticism can beresponded to with an appropriate technique of questioning to clarify the issue.  <o:p> </o:p> 

AccurateCriticism  <o:p> </o:p> 

Thefirst step is to acknowledge the criticism and any truth there is to thestatement. When the criticism isaccurate, acknowledge so, by saying you're right and paraphrasing thecriticism, so you both know what you are in agreement about. If a thank you or an explanation seems appropriate, then briefly do soand get on with other things. Don'tdwell on the criticism, yet be determined about ways in which you can learn fromit

RecordBelow Three Examples Of Accurate Criticisms And How You Would Respond: <o:p> </o:p>

Criticism:

Response:

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Criticism:

Response:

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Criticism:

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InaccurateCriticism <o:p> </o:p>

Whenyou are given an inaccurate criticism, you can use "fogging" as a techniqueto respond. This involves a tokenagreement with the critic by agreeing only in part. Example: If someone says you are undependable you can respond by sayingthat you sometimes forget appointments. Youare not agreeing that you are undependable and you are acknowledging that you doforget on occasion. You canalso agree about the possibility of the critic being right, by responding with,"Yes, I might be undependable at times." You could also agree just with theprinciple of the criticism by restating the principle behind the criticism, such as,"You're right, being late is undependable." <o:p> </o:p>

RecordBelow Three Examples Of Inaccurate Criticisms And How You Would Respond: <o:p> </o:p>

Criticism:

Response:

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Criticism:

Response:_

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Criticism:

Response:

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Vagueor Over-Generalized Criticism <o:p> </o:p>

Alot of criticism is vague and needs to be clarified with questioning before youcan decide how to respond. Stayaway from why questioning and use how, what, where and when questioning toclarify the details. Example: If someone says that what you are doing annoys them, ask specifically howit is annoying and when it annoys. <o:p> </o:p>

RecordBelow Three Examples of Vague and Over-generalized Criticisms and How You WouldRespond: <o:p> </o:p>

Criticism:

Response:

Criticism:

Response:

Criticism:

Response:

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AssertiveCommunication  <o:p> </o:p>

Followingare three effective ways to be assertive that will help you to stand your ground without provoking a anger or settingsomeone else up to respond defensively. Oftentimes ADDers have been criticized so much, they react angrily and aggressivelyor become passive to others actions toward them. Which ever response you have that you would like to modify, keep in mindthat practice makes perfect and the first few attempts at responding differentlymay be awkward and not received as well as you hoped for, so hang in there andkeep trying until you become comfortable and relaxed with your new options forresponding. <o:p> </o:p>

1. BrokenRecord Response: Calmly and slowly keep repeating in a monotone voice withoutparticular emphasis on any one word or phrase, what it is you have to say, until it is recognized and received appropriately bythe other individual. <o:p> </o:p>

2. EmphaticEscalation: Calmlyand slowly keep restating your response or request, with more assertion eachtime. Always remembering to bepolite when asking and say please. Speakmore firmly each time holing your ground, but not becoming aggressive. <o:p> </o:p>

3. SensitiveListening: Respond being sensitive to the other persons point of view orplight, being sure to make your situation or point of view clear after you haveacknowledged their point of view respectfully. Avoid using the word 'but', replacing it with 'and' . Restating the other person's point of view, followed by the word'but' negates what you have just said. Following it with the word 'and' will prevent the other person from becoming defensive or tuning you out. <o:p> </o:p>

AngerAssessment and Proactive Problem Solving  <o:p> </o:p>

1. Identify your anger "triggers" and common situations in which theyoccur, so you can be prepared to respond differently. Be ready in this situations to take a deep breath, pause and respond in acalm and relaxed manner. Continuefocusing on your breathing, relaxing your muscle tension and thinking pleasantand positive thoughts. <o:p> </o:p>

2. Identify negative thoughts and change them to appropriate positivesayings that you enjoy hearing yourself say. Self reminders such as "chill out" or "stay calm" are much easierto hear when we say them to ourselves before we hear them coming from someoneelse because we are beginning to behave angrily. <o:p> </o:p>

3. Think of the consequences that angry behavior will get you. <o:p> </o:p>

4. Think of the consequences that calm relaxed responses will get you! <o:p> </o:p>

5. Resolve to talk the incidentover with a friend or coach later who can support and help you continue torespond in a way that will help you grow and become more satisfied with yourself. <o:p> </o:p>

6. If you are in a unbearable situation that you do not like, ask yourself,"What is the worst that could happen right now?" Chances are that the worst possible outcome won't happen, but you willbe prepared for it, if it does. <o:p> </o:p>

7. Brainstorm positive solutions anger provoking situations and choose thebest possible one to act upon. Decidea back up plan that is also positive and don't dwell on why the first onedidn't work. Move on and learnfrom the experience. <o:p> </o:p> <o:p> </o:p>

Congratulateyourself each and every time you manage to change or modify a behavior thatlessens your anger and gives you more options of responding in ways that aremore appropriate for the fine person you are!

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