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Let Go of Mothering
During this reconstructive process, let go of “shoulds” and “have-to’s,” which rarely accomplish anything. Focus on the “coulds” and “want-to’s.” People with ADHD usually know what they should do.
The problem, for them, is doing it. Create motivation to do a chore, and responsible behavior often follows. Say, “Don’t you love seeing these plants bloom and want them to be healthy” rather than “You have to water the plants today.”
Your initial attraction to your husband didn’t spring from his ability to clean the floors, pay bills, or do lawn work. Do what you can to renew intimacy and the feelings that brought you together.
When I asked one wife how she maintains a happy marriage, after 30 years with an ADHD husband, she replied, “I remind myself that our relationship is more important than whether or not he forgets to take out the garbage.”
WEDDING YELLS
Join the Conversation: Share your strategies for staying happily married to your ADHD spouse.
A version of this article appears in the Summer 2009 issue of ADDitude.
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