My Spouse, My Child: Who Invited ADHD into Our Marriage?

How can a couple reignite the marital spark when a wife has to "mother" her ADHD husband? With these tips for building a strong foundation to any ADHD marriage.

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Focus on Strengths

No. 1: Accept reality, even if you don’t like it.
Most people with ADHD put off tasks they find difficult or boring. They lose track of time, and are frequently disorganized. Play to each other’s strengths. You might agree to take on the bill-paying and balance the checkbook while your ADHD partner mows the lawn, which allows him to be outside moving around.

When you divide chores, be specific. What does a request to “keep the bathroom in order” mean? Very little to most people, and less to the person with ADHD. Clarify expectations, tasks, and the frequency of doing them.

Put it all in writing, for clarification. That way no one has to rely on memory. Don’t get hung up on splitting chores exactly down the middle. Do some horse-trading: “I’ll do the dishes; can you make the bed?”

Anticipate complications.
How will he schedule lawn care into his week? How does he want to be reminded if he forgets to do something? Your approach should be about wanting things to work, not about getting angry when they don’t.

MORE When You Need a Body Double: "Difficult tasks are easier to accomplish if someone is on hand to keep you company...."

Next: A Last Resort? Call It In

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TAGS: ADHD and Marriage, ADHD and Relationships,

 

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