Present a United Front
"If you have a perceptive ADDer, as we do, he will home in on the stress between you and your spouse, and use it against you to add fuel to the fire," says Maria Suglia, of Freehold, New Jersey, mom to eight-year-old Nick, who has ADHD, and 12-year-old Frank, who does not.
Maria's husband arrived home before she did and started doing homework with Nick. Nick often told his father white lies—that Maria said he could have a snack and watch TV before doing homework. "Next thing you know, it was 10 o'clock, and he's still doing homework," says Maria. "I got mad at my husband for not getting things done earlier, when it was really Nick's fault." Maria came up with a solution. She now calls her husband in the morning, after the kids get on the bus, explaining what he needs to work on with Nick. Maria's husband returns the favor when he arrives home, asking what she said to Nick about his homework. Those everyday phone conversations ensure that both Mom and Dad are on the same parenting page. It has helped maintain peace in the marriage and family.
Everything you do to strengthen your marriage sets an example for your child. The next time you feel guilty about getting a babysitter and going out with your spouse, remember that you're not only making an investment in your marriage, but in the marriages of generations to come.