Here's how you can help your child with ADHD make -- and keep -- friends at school and at home...
1. Watch your child very closely. Whenever he is playing with other children, make sure you can see and hear the action. Be ready to intervene in case he picks a fight, starts telling fibs, or does something dangerous in an effort to impress the others. Keep unstructured time to a minimum. (My son likes to break things or light matches in his spare time).
2. Avoid three-way social encounters. One-on-one play dates or small-group play dates usually work best for our kids. With threesomes, it's easy for your child to feel left out - or ganged up on.
3. Keep play dates short. For kids age 10 or under, three hours or less is probably best. Coach your child on how to behave beforehand, and talk about how things went after it's over.
4. Beware of sports. For most kids, sports are an important ingredient in making friends. But children with ADD tend not to do well in competitive play. (My son gloats when he wins and rages when he loses.) Encourage your child to develop athletic skills that don't require teamwork, such as running, swimming, or martial arts.
5. Seek out younger playmates. ADHD children tend to be more immature than their peers (and painfully aware of it). Often it's helpful if your child develops friendships with children a year or two younger - so he won't feel left behind.
6. Find a mentor. An ADHD child may be more likely to take advice or instruction from a "big brother" or "big sister" than from his own parents. Ask the big sibling of one of your child's classmates if he will be an informal mentor to your child. Many schools have mentoring programs.
7. Follow the love. If your child is a Gameboy fiend, look for another Gameboy fiend. A shared interest will help your child feel confident and engaged.
