Avoid these 10 common mistakes to protect the important relationships in your life.
by Antony Amen , Sharon Johnson
1. Blame the other person. Many people fail to take responsibility for their part in a relationship. Subsequently, they spend a lot of time blaming the other person for the relationship's shortcomings. When this occurs, the relationship is doomed to unhappiness and possible death. Take responsibility for the relationship and look for what you can do to improve it, rather than waiting for the other person to take the initiative.
2. Take the relationship for granted. In order for relationships to be special, they need constant nurturing. The relationship suffer when it gets put low on the priority list of time and attention. Focusing on what you want in a relationship is essential for making it happen.
3. Discount the other person. A sure-fire way to doom a relationship is to discount, belittle or degrade the other person. Unfortunately, many people use these forms of negative control to have power in a relationship, but they don't understand how it erodes the foundation. Protect your relationships by building up the other person.
4. Get into a rut. When relationships become stale or boring, they become vulnerable to erosion. A lack of interesting conversation or activity sets up people to look elsewhere to find excitement. Stay away from "the same old thing" by looking for new and different ways to add life to your relationships.
5. Fail to notice the good. It's very easy to notice what you do not like about a relationship. That's almost our nature. Most people notice 10 times more negative things they don't like rather than the positive things about the relationship that they do like. It takes real effort to notice what you like. When you spend more time noticing the positive aspects of the relationship, you're more likely to seen an increase in positive behavior.
6. Miscommunication. Not clearly understanding another person, jumping to conclusions or mind reading are ways to really hurt a good relationship. I'm convinced most of the fights people have stem from some form of miscommunication. Take time to really listen and clarify what other people say to you. Don't react to what you think someone means, ask them what they mean and then formulate a response.
7. Violate trust. So many relationships fall apart after there has been a major violation in trust, such as an affair or other forms of dishonesty. Often hurts in the present, even minor ones, remind us of major traumas in the past and we blow them way out of proportion. Once a violation of trust has occurred try to understand why it happened.
8. Lack empathy. Empathy is being able to understand things from another person's point of view. Many people lack the knowledge or desire to understand anything outside of themselves. This self-centeredness destroys the critical balance needed in order for closeness to occur. Putting yourself in the "other person's shoes" is crucial to healthy relationships.
9. Avoid conflict, "people pleaser." Whenever you give in to another person to avoid a fight you give away a little of your power. If you do this over time, you give away a lot of power and begin to resent the relationship. Avoiding conflict in the short run often has devastating long term effects. Stick up for what you know is right and it will be better for the relationship.
10. A lack of time. Sadly, time spent in important relationships are often the first thing to suffer in our busy life-styles. Relationships require real time in order to function. Many couples who both work and have children often find themselves growing further apart because they have no time together. When they do get time together they often realize how much they really do like each other. Make your special relationships a "time investment" and it will pay dividends for years to come.