7 Common Flashpoints for Spouses of ADDers

The most universal and pervasive complaints from spouses of ADDers — and how you can stop these problems in their tracks.

1. Uneven division of labor
You feel as though you do all the "scut work"—cleaning, planning, organizing, reminding, and putting away.

2. Poor time management
You've gotten used to having your spouse show up late for almost everything—unless you remind him often about deadlines and meeting times.

3. Broken promises
Your spouse may forget about chores or obligations, or work only on what he feels like doing.

4. Precarious finances
As one spouse puts it, she's tired of "feeling guilty every time I buy something for myself because he has already spent too much."

5. Wild dreams
Your spouse constantly comes up with great ideas or makes extravagant declarations ("I'm going to stop drinking soda"), but seldom follows through.

6. A parent-child-esque relationship
In the words of one exasperated non-ADD spouse: "Most of the time I don't feel like my husband's wife, I feel like the single mother (or nanny) of a spoiled 6-year-old child."

7. Feeling alone
You feel like you're doing it all, and that you have to ask your spouse to pay attention to you.

Couples need to let go of judgment and blame, but, at the same time, the anger does need to come out. As the non-ADD spouse, you don't have to land punches, but you do need to be able to tell your mate how hard he can be to live with. Once anger moves out, understanding can come in to take its place. Don't let ADD split you up. Marriage is difficult for all of us. ADD is too treatable for you to let it end what could have been a great marriage.

Adapted from Delivered from Distraction (Ballantine).

What do you think of this article? Share your comments on www.ADDConnect.com, ADDitude's community site. Check out the new ADHD Medication User Reviews and the ADHD Adults Support Group. Your fellow ADDers want to hear from you!

 
Copyright © 1998 - 2013 New Hope Media LLC. All rights reserved. Your use of this site is governed by our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy.
ADDitude does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The material on this web site is provided for educational purposes only. See additional information.
New Hope Media, 39 W. 37th Street, 15th Floor, New York, NY 10018